25.09.25
Today I did some abstract painting while listening to Clair de Lune by Claude Debussy. This piece of music is special to me because it played on my daughter’s hanging mobile when she was a baby. She is nine now, but I hadn’t really come across this music much until the last couple of years, when I started hearing it often on TV.
Listening to it feels strange because so many memories come back. I was a first-time mum then, but also in a lot of pain and in a wheelchair from pregnancy-related issues. The music brings an overflow of emotions – anxiety, fear, happiness, excitement, loneliness, feeling overwhelmed, and the memory of how tiny Eva was with her big brown eyes. When I hear it now, I feel my eyes begin to well up.
I don’t usually paint in an abstract way because I tend to be a perfectionist. I admire artists who work loosely, with simple and confident brushstrokes that gesture the objects they are painting. My tutor encouraged me to give it a go, and I actually enjoyed it. At first, I felt daunted by the big blank canvas, and I kept thinking too much about where to place each mark. But I tried to let go, painting more freely while listening to the music on repeat. I used found objects like torn cardboard, a natural sponge, and my fingers for mark-making. Next, I’d like to experiment with a spatula to create some diagonal lines. Right now, the painting feels a bit busy, but that is part of the process of learning.
I’d like to carry on exploring this way of painting, even though I don’t yet know where it will take me.
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